I'm stuck. Really stuck. The kind of stuck that you think about and think about and think about and think that by thinking about it, it will go away and every time the same thing keeps happening and you keep having the same feelings about it you resolve to just keep thinking about it until those feelings go away kind of stuck.
I hate that he goes to the bar all the time.
That is how I am stuck. I know that all his friends are there, what's wrong with that? I don't go to the bar all the time. That's what. I have tried to be open minded about it, but that is just not me. I just don't like it. When you say you're broke but you can go to the bar and buy a couple of drinks every day, it makes me feel like, maybe....you're not broke. I don't see how it's cute to be drunk either. When I show up and he says, "I've had a couple to drink." I don't think that's cute. It might be, if it wasn't a standard occurrence. Like, 'wow, that's out of the blue'.
Hand in hand with that is the fact that when he likes to stay at the bar with his friends as oppose to go home with me. Granted it was a going away party, but I hate feeling like it's a drag going home with me as oppose to staying. What part of a team is that?
I'm trying to target my feelings about it so I can have a conversation with him about it but it really just is - why do you say you're broke but have money to buy drinks (several drinks) everyday. Why is it so important for you to stay to hang out with your friends when your girlfriend wants to go home? Especially if you're only staying for another hour? Really? And I just don't know if I want to be on a team where my partner is always at the bar. The bar implies that you need some sort of social lubricant to enjoy your life. Would it be different if it was a drink at home every night? Yes and no. It would be different because it means that you can be independent of a group and it wouldn't be different because why do you need to get tipsy every night (most nights)?
I talked to my sister yesterday and we talked about how her and her husband don't always have the same hobbies, or like to the do the same things but it's their life plan that they have in common that keeps them together. They wanted a family and children and that is important to them. That is their common goal that they can turn to when times are tough and say, this is what is most important to them. I'm not sure what my boyfriend and my goal would be. I don't know what his plan is other than be happy now - and be happy with his friends with me there now.
We are so great for each other in so many ways. He is adoring and attentive, he is a great listener and very nurturing. We have great communication for the most part. Those qualities are what I am most grateful for and couldn't ask for anything better when it comes down to it. It's just our lifestyles are so different it is a bridge that is a little unsafe for me to cross to get to "Team land". I keep thinking I have to compromise something or have a plan on what I want to ask for in order to bring it up, but I guess I just have to say it and let him decide what to do with that information.
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