fortuitous day

I had the strangest epiphany today. I felt like he was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

I have to mention that I've had similar experiences before (with, clearly, the wrong men) but not to the extent of certainty. I suppose previously they have been extremely fleeting moments of infatuation and role playing....He's going to be my "husband"...or...that is the man I'm going to "marry". My experience today was different. It was a certainty that I wanted all my adventures to be with this one person. The ups and downs and ins and outs, he's the one I want to do them with. The one thing this person has going for him that the others didn't was time. I've spent a lot of time with this person. Most of it - as friends.

I kept wondering when the feeling was going to wear off. And part of me still thinks it will. I mean, this person can and sometimes does annoy the shit out of me. But I still would want him to spend this life with me, exploring it.

Here is where my logical brain interrupts.

1. He's not here right now - maybe I'm sensationalizing him and/or our experience together.

2. We're not actually in a relationship - or ever have been for that matter.

2. What if you do all those crazy relationship things you do and ruin it?

3. What crazy relationship things?

a. clingy

b. emotionally insecure

c. jealous

But then I think - whatever, it's HIM. We'd probably laugh about it - later anyway. And I've spent so much time with him, hating him as much as adoring him, that we already know our "less attractive" sides.

Second "but" - who knows if when he gets back we'll be the same people, want the same things? I don't. Which is why I just allowed myself to enjoy that feeling while I had it. The person I know in my heart is great. I wonder if I'll ever know with 100% certainty who will be "the one". Does anyone ever really do?