This terrible tragic experience happened and then it was rectified. A magical moment of understanding and change occurred. Or so I thought. But of course when explaining it, I had to get through the swamp of hell portion to explain the glorious silver lining. The problem with that scenario is when telling the swamp of hell part to your family members you can't finish your sentences because they now have to explain their thoughts and emotions about the situation, aka explaining what my swamp of hell looks like to them, and then I'm stuck in the swamp of hell for another fucking eternity. Now I have to calm them down and I'm crying and they're "just saying" and I haven't even gotten to the good part. But now my good part has become quick sand and is quickly slipping back into my swamp of hell. What was the good part? Oh ya. It doesn't matter. It never did. My good part couldn't possibly rectify the swamp of Hell I had to go through let alone the one I just drug my family through. Before I can even get to my point of resolution and reward I am reminded that I have no idea what I'm doing and that I keep making the same mistakes over and over and over and over and over again. A few bits of "you are amazing and worth more" are sprinkled in to sweeten the shards of glass I am swallowing referring to the facts of defeat I have just admitted to my ever eager panel of listeners. Thanks. I thought I almost did something relationship worthy. Nope, still broken.
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