Bad boys

I'm so mad at myself today because of the way I let him treat me! BLEH. Seriously Kyla. I mean I know that half the time you were "playing along" because you didn't want to let him bother you or hurt your feelings so you were playing it cool. BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO PLAY AT ALL. Because it does hurt and you don't need someone to talk to you like that. And stop thinking about their feelings/well-being when it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. Call him a cab, don't invite him to stay.

What is going on with men in the world? Am I finding men that don't have plans because I don't have a plan? What's my plan? Find someone I can enjoy, trust, respect, admire. Assert myself. Share my feelings, grow as a person. Commit. Marry and carry on. But before that, I'd settle for someone who had plans for the evening!

He kept saying, "I know you've been dating a lot. I have friends in this town who saw you out. But that's good, that's what you have to do. I just don't know how you date all the time. All those guys from eharmony! (I explained the only one from that website was him) How do you meet these people! I just don't get it, I don't date. I just like someone and then go from there. Obviously you know who you like, or obviously you don't."

Part of me gets a high off these emotions outbursts, 'he's sharing. This is raw. This is real emotion and thought. The closest to intimacy that I get to see.' But then it contorts quickly into my own emotional trap. 'Did he just say those things to me?' I wanted to know how a person "just likes someone and then goes from there." Isn't that what I'm trying to do? I knew that I was giving myself a free "try on" with him, just to help me learn : a) do not date guys whose actual voice inflections sounds like he's whining. b) don't date guys who tell you what is and isn't going to happen after you assert yourself.

Come on Kyla, what are you? Lazy? Like you didn't know these things already. But the power of being near a serial monogamous was intoxicating. As if just being in his presence I could figure out what that would be like. A tiny door opening. Not one I could ever fit through but just enough for me to crouch down and get a glimpse of how it works.

From what I could gather from this specimen, it means, as soon as you meet someone, you suddenly feel like you can invite yourself over, not have plans or consider the other person's time, take them out to run an errand that you have planned for yourself, then drive aimlessly until they come up with a place to go, invite yourself to stay over regardless of what the other person's plans are (and drinking enough to ensure you're incapacitated to drive) and then attempt to treat the other person like their body is yours, regardless of what the other person has to say, and then when told to leave, tell that person they'll have to call the cops if you want them to leave. Seriously.

His hair looked ridiculous. So what if he'll be in Men's Journal - he looked like a moron and sounded like he had cotton balls shoved up his nostrils. He'll call me soon and be completely mystified why I would be upset or why I wouldn't want to hang out.

Unfortunately, I know I am not the only person who has had to deal with such intolerant behavior, I can only hope that this helps me to make better choices earlier on and validate other people who have felt as frustrated and naive (stupid) as I have.

Next time, I'm calling the cops.