I don't know if it's the stars or just the winds of change but I am loving my singleness all of a sudden. I think perhaps I realized that there are still attractive single men out there who might actually like me (and who are not on eharmony). After I came to terms with the fact that my "model" eharmony date and I had no chemistry I was overcome with inspiration to reach out to 2 other men who I had in my sights. One of them, I know better than to contact - but I was feeling very fierce about my singleness and knowing I wasn't in it for a relationship I felt less inhibited. He was out of town. Thank goodness for that. The other was someone I had been considering since I met him at house party almost a month ago. I didn't pursue earlier because the last person he dated (though it was 8 months ago) was a friend of mine from college. Even though I hadn't seen her in 8 years and I didn't plan to in the future, I wasn't sure what that situation would be like. But my interest was peaked and I called him. He was also out of town. Both men texted back they would be back on Sunday and wanted to get together.
Why do I do this to myself? I continually go back and forth between, 'I want a relationship' a.k.a take it slow, go on dates, get to know them before kissing etc, and 'I just want to be single and play and do whatever happens'. Where's my patience. Why do I need whatever I want now in this instant?
I said, "I want to". And he was pleased. He didn't know me well enough to know that I can want something and will not do it if it's not good for me. What am I guarding. What part of me needs protecting?
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